Least-Favorite Anniversary

I have a new one, and it's tomorrow. It will be exactly one year since I lost my father (and Sunday will be exactly one year since I found out I lost my father. Almost as bad, but not quite.).

I can't say it's been all bad. I've learned a lot about myself, and I no longer feel like I'm living in some twisted science-fiction novel where everything should be normal but isn't. Now everything is normal and feels like it shouldn't be. And eventually it will just be normal.

Since I no longer have him with me, I have to use what I know of his personality, his morals and values, to guess what he might be thinking about my life these days. Some of it he would disapprove of. I think most of it, though, he would appreciate.

I always thought I was remarkably spoiled for as old as I got before anything really awful happened to me. I don't necessarily wish for that mindset back -- like I said, I've learned a lot about myself and I feel like I am in a higher place now than would have been possible before all this happened.

So what have I learned?

*Don't lie to your family and don't lie to yourself. It will get you nowhere good. Be honest in critiquing and ascertaining your faults and your virtues. And don't allow others to tell you where you are or where you need to be. It might be worth it to listen to their advice, but the only one who really knows is you.

*Treasure and value the relationships you have. We really have no control over the last words we might say to a loved one -- make all your words count. Make all your actions count. You never know when it might end and you'll have nothing left but your memories. So make good ones!

*Be kind to yourself. It's okay to have heroes, but you will never be exactly like your heroes. And you are not supposed to be exactly like your heroes. Acknowledge and value your differences. Don't try to be something you're not.

*Therapy really works. If you feel like life is throwing things at you that you can't handle, consider it. It doesn't mean you're broken or crazy. It just means you know when you need some extra help.

*Savor the moment.