Sometimes I Really Can't Believe Myself

This morning there was an all-employee meeting up at Chili's. I waffled over whether I was going to go -- I knew what it was about already, they're closing the store, and if they don't want people to figure that kind of thing out on their own, then they shouldn't tell geniuses like myself and my husband about the meeting -- but in the end decided, hell, why not? I already knew what was coming, so I wouldn't be blindsided by it, even though I'm sure everyone would be crying, etc.

So I did my yoga, ate breakfast, put some "real" clothes on, grabbed my purse and water bottle and tea, put on my sunglasses and walked out the door. And then, standing in the sunroom, I said (to myself, but still out loud): "I did NOT just do that."

But I did. I locked myself out of my house. And I also locked my cell phone inside my house.

I walked around the perimeter of the house for about ten or fifteen minutes trying to find a window that might be open that I could crawl through -- I even got a chair to try to break into the study -- but it was a no go. Which is good in a way. Then I walked over to the nursing home and asked a very sweet nurse (I think she was Filipino) if I could use their phone. I called D at work and said, "You're never going to believe what I just did."

"Got a speeding ticket?" he guessed.

"No."

"Wrecked your car?"

"No. I locked my keys and cell phone inside the house."

He said he would come get me after the meeting, so then the question was, how do I kill time until he shows up? The answer (not having a phone on which to call people or anything better to do) was more cellar cleaning. Here is another list of some of the random things I found today:

* My student planner from high school. (I can see why I kept it, though. I decorated that thing very nicely. Including a spread in the back of printouts of Marky Mark in his underwear.)

* Six fuzzy Easter chicks on a green strip of cardboard. (The seventh must have jumped.)

* Purple glitter Silly Putty.

* A bouncy ball.

* An "Ask Me About Gift Cards" button from Spencer Gifts.

* A cassette tape recorder. Yes. You read that right.

* An authentic MC Hammer cassette tape -- Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em.

* One of those red plastic fortune-telling fish.

* Two old wallets, one of which (made of hemp) has a quote from Erich Fromm and a Waltzing Matilda pin with which I decorated it.

* A hilarious illustration I had to do for Magazine Design (which I almost failed, by the way -- design = not my thing AT ALL) about hand-washing and bacteria. It involved a doctor, who looks kind of like a Playmobil character, standing in front of a pyramid of sick babies in their cots; he is holding his hands in front of him, palms up, and radiating from his palms are bacteria (magnified). I might scan it later so I can post it; it is just THAT funny. And I also found some plans I had drawn up before I did the "real" illustration where the doctor was instructing the germs and bacteria leaping from his hands, "Fly, my pretties! Fly!" What is wrong with me?

* A journal I kept on and off throughout college that included some dreams I had about my now-husband when we just started dating ... and a rant about him when I was really mad at him because he wouldn't help me move. Ah, memories. (For the record, that remains the meanest thing he's ever done to me -- and let's be honest, it wasn't all that mean, I still had three or four boys who helped me move.)

Oh, and for all who are worried about my financial livelihood (why, thank you), don't be: Chili's is giving every employee-in-good-standing $250 and the chance to earn $12 an hour cleaning up the place once it's closed. And D is probably going to transfer to another Chili's where he can be a day cook -- he might take a pay/hours cut, but he'll keep his vacation benefits, which is pretty awesome.

I have to go work out now.