things I'm loving to hate

*Colbie Caillat and that stupid "Bubbly" song. The first time I heard it? Kinda cute. The five millionth? I want to puncture my eardrums with a screwdriver.

*Best Of. Enough said.

*Being sick.

*Spyware. I fail to see how spyware is profitable for anyone. I've figured out how to get to the sites I'm trying to reach, despite the fact that my computer (at work) is infected as all get-out. But honestly -- does anyone who's trying to Google something, and then gets rerouted to a random NEW search page while trying to reach some other completely different site, actually think, "Oh. A new search page. Maybe one of THESE results will take me where I need to be." And how long does it take to remove spyware? Sucks.

*People who drive vehicles far, far too large for their needs, then complain about the cost of gas. Oh. I'm sorry. You needed that Escalade because Buffy and Spencer are getting so big now, and you simply must have some behemoth of a vehicle in order to shuttle them around to their after-school activities. Gee. Sucks that it costs $400 to fill up your tank -- maybe next time you'll consider a hybrid, Mrs. Selfish McMeMeMe.

*China. I am in no way a racist. But if China is that schoolyard bully who started growing facial hair in third grade, then Tibet is that most obvious of targets -- the underfed, weedy, pale child with glasses, who's always picked last in gym class and who probably has some "weird" habits, like refraining from eating meat. And, China? Your little theory that the Dalai Lama is masterminding the protests in Tibet and attempting to incite violence? It's not really gonna fly. The Dalai Lama has won the Nobel Peace Prize, you see, and he's a Buddhist. He's the head Buddhist! I -- and the rest of the thinking universe -- am pretty sure that he's not the evil plotter you say he is. If you could provide some evidence of your claims, I would be happy to look at it. You don't have any proof? Listen, guys, just stop. Just quit bullying poor little Tibet -- why do you want it, anyway? I know you say it's yours, yadda yadda, but what resources, exactly (besides the Dalai Lama, who hasn't been able to live there since you took over -- I mean, reclaimed -- Tibet) does Tibet contain that will benefit you in any way? Just give it up, please, because you're only making yourself look bad. And worse. And even worse still. Just stop.

And you know what? Just for that, China, I'm not watching the Olympics this year. At all. So there.

To a Tea

I have become a firm believer in the theory of quitting a bad habit while you are already feeling bad. Last week I was laid up with a sinus infection and the flu; everything that could possibly be wrong with my body, was. I was in some not-inconsiderable pain merely being awake.

Close friends of mine will know how addicted I am to caffeine. Seeing as I don't drink heavily and don't smoke cigarettes, my morning triple latte was one of only a handful of true vices that I have. If I ever forgot to get coffee, I would wind up with a splitting headache around noon that reminded me. So that didn't happen -- coffee was a morning necessity in order for me to function throughout the day.

Well, last weekend that was not possible. Even thinking about coffee first thing in the morning was likely to make me throw up the water or Powerade slush or whatever it was I had managed to drink (and keep down). Coffee isn't kind to stomachs, and even though my head hurt like crazy, it was easier to deal with the head than to try and drink some coffee and see what my stomach did with it. And honestly, I felt so terrible that I didn't even notice the headaches.

When I finally woke up in a condition to go to work, I realized that I was no longer addicted to caffeine. I had battled through the withdrawal during my incapacitation, and so the last thing I wanted to do was to fall back into the habit of drinking an obscene amount of coffee first thing in the morning.

For a week now, I've been drinking tea in the morning -- green tea, with tons of antioxidants. So I've been taking good care of myself and I'm proud of it. I've had two lattes since I quit, and I plan on keeping my espresso machine for treats and late nights when I might actually need it, but I'm happy without my morning dose of Splenda and espresso and milk. And I plan to keep it that way.

I guess the moral of the story is: If you want to give something up, get really sick. You'll be so preoccupied with your ill feeling that you won't miss whatever it is you're trying not to miss.