Here's a rundown of the trip so far:
Arrived late Friday night.
Saturday morning, Graham (my dad's old colleague) picked us up with his girlfriend, Virginia (I had never met a Virginia before then) and drove us up to Whistler. On the way, he picked up a friend of his, Emma, who lives on Vancouver Island. Emma was showing Graham (and Virginia) a house in Pemberton that Graham is thinking about purchasing and fixing up. They dropped my mom and I off in Whistler and we spent the day walking around, shopping, listening to all the different accents. It got really cold and started snowing hard at one point, so we hunkered down in a coffee shop for a few hours, then when the three of them came back, we all went out to dinner.
The drive back to the hotel was nuts; snow everywhere. Graham and Emma talked about film -- apparently, Graham has financed a movie coming out soon with Darryl Hannah (it's called Vice) and Emma is also very into the film industry, so it was fun to hear them talk about it.
When we got back, I was trying to get on the computer and decided to go downstairs to the business center. I'd forgotten my room key, so I came back up and caught my mother crying. I asked if she'd waited till I left to start, and she said yes. She fell asleep while I messed around on MySpace, then I told her I was going downstairs for a glass of wine. She said she'd come with, so we went to the lounge.
As we're sitting there, drinking our wine, these two men sitting across from us ask to buy us a drink. We say no, we're almost done and we don't need another, but my mom said we'd come over and finish our wine with them (this all started because the drunker, older man told me we were beautiful. Aw. how sweet). I know the older man was 67 cause he asked me to guess his age and I guessed correctly. I wasn't altogether comfortable but I thought it might be good for my mom to get some attention of that nature. They end up buying us another drink and we're sitting and chatting (Dirty Old Man telling me he has six kids with three different women, he didn't treat any of the mothers right because he was too busy making money, etc. etc.). I was starting to get tired so I paid our server separately; not too long after that, they started being the typical drunks, not wanting to leave when it's time for them to leave, harassing the server, telling him to go back to China (he was Asian). I was like, "Mom, I paid, let's go," so we did.
I woke up this morning with a hangover, surprise surprise. My hangovers generally take the form of stomach versus head, so I really could have used some alternative medicine at that point. If you catch my drift. We went and grabbed breakfast, then had all day to kill, so we walked down to the Granville Island water bus and went over there. It was super cute, like a whole island full of markets and cute stores and fun galleries, it was just a blast. We made a friend in Crush, he was a flaming gay guy, half Canadian, half American. He was awesome. I had a BC salmon roll which was delicious. I'd been a little worried that I wouldn't be able to handle the water bus, but my super-greasy breakfast took care of that fear (yay, country-fried steak and eggs!).
On our way back from the island, we stopped at Davis Street, which is the gay street in Vancouver (literally). We shopped some more and then left, I got some cute clothes and some new books. I tried to keep my mom from spending money on me ... she talks to me about how she hasn't gotten last year's tax refund yet, she really needs it because she was counting on it and she doesn't know what she's going to do if it doesn't come in. I know I'm not the best with money and I don't have a ton, so I spirited my purchases away from her whenever possible. But it's hard, she's so used to buying me stuff and I've only in recent years learned to put my foot down and not waver if it's something I know I don't need, because if I say "yes, it's cute," she'll buy it for me. So, mean what you say and say what you mean is the lesson there.
So overall, it's been a fun, awesome trip, except for one aspect. I really, really, REALLY wish my mother would get into therapy. She needs it. I don't mean that in a negative, mean way -- I just mean she is having serious trouble letting go, particularly letting go of all the craziness in Australia surrounding my dad's death. I'm not going into the whole story now, suffice to say that the hospital put in one stent when they needed four and there has been crazy hassle with the bills and the Consulate and everything. Some of her Aussie friends have been sending her messages saying things like, "Paul would want you to be moving on and enjoying life," Pollyanna shit like that. And it really bothers her. She says, "Paul also didn't want to leave when he did. How would they know what Paul wants?" I see her point. I think these people are just trying to offer support and empathy the best way they know how. It just happens that they're going about it entirely the wrong way, but the intention is good.
The thing that's been bothering me is, my mother has this serious aversion to all things Aussie now that everything has gone down the way it has. Last night she was saying that if Marcus (the dude bringing the ashes over) says anything about how great Australia is, she's going to correct him. I asked her how her feelings would change if some of the people -- who have been all gung-ho about how great the hospital and the health care system down there is -- would acknowledge that the hospital seriously fucked up and the system wasn't perfect. (Someone at one point already said, "mistakes happen," re: the death, which for those reading, is NOT the right thing to say, remotely, whatsoever.) My point was that I don't think that other people's opinions changing is going to make her feel better. But she thinks it is. When we were on Davis Street, she heard someone in a shop (from Perth) speaking, and someone else saying how much they enjoyed Australia when they were there. And she said she just felt this awful feeling in the pit of her stomach. She says she knows she shouldn't feel that way about all things Australian, but she can't help it. This seemed like the appropriate time for me to bring up post-traumatic stress disorder and the therapies available; she said she'd been to one or two therapy sessions and they made her feel worse. She doesn't want to try again.
I feel like if she could let go of some of these feelings, it would be better for her. It is simply not healthy to be harboring dislike for an entire country based on one experience. I can see why she feels that way, but that doesn't mean it's good for her. I don't think my mother is the most forgiving person on the planet, and I've made peace with that because it has affected my life. I also have realized why I have a tendency to withhold information from people, even when that might not be strictly necessary. I found out that she had breast cancer and they did a surgery on it when she had her nose thingy done last year or in late '06, I can't remember. That's kind of something I think she should have shared with me sooner, I know she didn't want me to worry, but I need to know these things so I can tell my own doctor.
It's just so hard to watch someone I love so much go through what she's going through, while she's refusing to reach out for help or support. She thinks she has to do it all herself and she's trying to protect me and my brothers. I just really, really wish she would bite the bullet and get herself someone to talk to who can really help her work through these feelings and figure out where to go and what to do next. I think she feels lost, and I don't know how to help her any more than I have been, beyond playing therapist and asking her the same kinds of questions that Kathy would ask me. I don't know how much that helps, she might be modifying her answers based on what she thinks I need to hear. I just feel like there's something in her that's broken, and I can sense it, and I want badly to be able to fix it.
But, I can't.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
good times
I just got to talk to Tommy Chong! (Yes, of Cheech and Chong.)
He is officially the only man who can call me "babe," besides Damon, and not offend me. He's just too cute. And yes, that is my inner feminist speaking.
Also: The insurance company decided that I was right and will only accept 50 percent liability. So BMW lady has to pay for her own damages.
She was really rude to the representative, apparently, so I'm not sure if they ruled in my favor because I was actually right or because I was nice.
I hope it was because I was right; I'd hate to have this warm fuzzy feeling just because someone else doesn't think it's in her best interest to be polite to everybody.
He is officially the only man who can call me "babe," besides Damon, and not offend me. He's just too cute. And yes, that is my inner feminist speaking.
Also: The insurance company decided that I was right and will only accept 50 percent liability. So BMW lady has to pay for her own damages.
She was really rude to the representative, apparently, so I'm not sure if they ruled in my favor because I was actually right or because I was nice.
I hope it was because I was right; I'd hate to have this warm fuzzy feeling just because someone else doesn't think it's in her best interest to be polite to everybody.
Monday, January 14, 2008
smarts
40 Tips for an Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day and while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Buy a TiVo (DVR), tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, "My purpose is to__________ today."
5. Live with the 3 Es - Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy, and the 3 Fs - Faith, Family, Friends.
6. Watch more G movies, play more games with friends and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of six.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.
11. Drink some green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, seafood, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, and your desk and let new energy into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn and pass all your tests. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past, so it won't mess up the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
32. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
33. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
34. The best is yet to come.
35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
36. Do the right thing!
37. Call your family often.
38. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: "I am thankful for __________." "Today I accomplished _________."
39. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
40. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. Make the most of it.
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day and while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Buy a TiVo (DVR), tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, "My purpose is to__________ today."
5. Live with the 3 Es - Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy, and the 3 Fs - Faith, Family, Friends.
6. Watch more G movies, play more games with friends and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of six.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.
11. Drink some green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, seafood, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, and your desk and let new energy into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn and pass all your tests. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past, so it won't mess up the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
32. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
33. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
34. The best is yet to come.
35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
36. Do the right thing!
37. Call your family often.
38. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: "I am thankful for __________." "Today I accomplished _________."
39. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
40. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. Make the most of it.
crash! bang!
I know why I'm sad, by the way. It's because I miss my dad. Duh.
On Saturday, when I was buying groceries, I backed out of my parking spot. Another women (driving a BMW, no less) was also backing out of her spot.
We collided.
We assessed the damage. My tank of a '93 Volvo was fine. Her sedan had a scuff and a dent in her bumper.
I gave her my insurance information because I could tell she was going to be a bitch if I didn't. I did not admit fault. In fact, while leaving the parking lot, I called my insurance company so I could be the first to explain what happened.
I was not paying attention; I fully admit that. But neither was she.
So today my claims representative (who is very nice) called and said they would probably close the claim; if it was fifty-fifty fault, then my insurance would pay for my damages (none) and her insurance would pay for her damages (some).
She did not like that, according to my claims rep. She said she was fully pulled out of her parking spot when I hit her. This is not how I recall events, but who knows?
So tomorrow, the rep has to come assess the damage to my car.
I wonder what will happen? Not in an I'm -scared-my-premiums-will-go-up way (although they might), but in a curious, detached way.
It's a car. It's scratched. It doesn't really matter. I am amazed that people like her have the energy to seethe about something so trivial.
But then again, it's not my BMW.
On Saturday, when I was buying groceries, I backed out of my parking spot. Another women (driving a BMW, no less) was also backing out of her spot.
We collided.
We assessed the damage. My tank of a '93 Volvo was fine. Her sedan had a scuff and a dent in her bumper.
I gave her my insurance information because I could tell she was going to be a bitch if I didn't. I did not admit fault. In fact, while leaving the parking lot, I called my insurance company so I could be the first to explain what happened.
I was not paying attention; I fully admit that. But neither was she.
So today my claims representative (who is very nice) called and said they would probably close the claim; if it was fifty-fifty fault, then my insurance would pay for my damages (none) and her insurance would pay for her damages (some).
She did not like that, according to my claims rep. She said she was fully pulled out of her parking spot when I hit her. This is not how I recall events, but who knows?
So tomorrow, the rep has to come assess the damage to my car.
I wonder what will happen? Not in an I'm -scared-my-premiums-will-go-up way (although they might), but in a curious, detached way.
It's a car. It's scratched. It doesn't really matter. I am amazed that people like her have the energy to seethe about something so trivial.
But then again, it's not my BMW.
Friday, January 11, 2008
riding the wave
Sometimes, for what seems like no reason whatsoever, I get really sad.
Today is one of those times.
I'm sad.
Today is one of those times.
I'm sad.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Walking in a Winter Wonderland
Friends and neighbors know that I complain a lot about my current state of affairs (which goes into effect when Damon leaves for an opening). It involves bedtime every night at 10 p.m. to prepare myself for a 6 a.m. rising so I can be at the dog park with my dog at 7 a.m., bright and early.
I love to sleep, okay? LOVE IT. More than just about anything. But because of Daylight Savings, I don't get home in time to walk the dog when it's still light outside. And it seems wrong to deprive Marshall of his daily exercise/outside time just because I'm lazy and don't want to get out of bed.
This morning was especially cold. It snowed last night, so there was two or three inches of powder on the ground for Marshall to romp through, which he loves. It was quiet and very cold -- my water bottle quit opening easily toward the end of our hour-long walk, because it was frozen shut, and a skin of ice was forming around the edges. There's hardly anyone at the park at that hour, so it's just me and the dog and his romp and my thoughts.
And my thoughts were basically this: I bitch too much about getting up early to go for our walk. I have coffee, for a start, which makes everything better. And it's gorgeous! Especially with the fresh snow. As the sun started to rise, it hit the mountains first and turned them all these lovely shades of pink and gold. Very, very pretty. The lakes are both frozen over and dusted with snow. Even though the sun doesn't peek over the horizon (when you're at the dog park) until around 7:30 a.m., seeing its return is just amazing every single morning.
I love nature. That's all.
I love to sleep, okay? LOVE IT. More than just about anything. But because of Daylight Savings, I don't get home in time to walk the dog when it's still light outside. And it seems wrong to deprive Marshall of his daily exercise/outside time just because I'm lazy and don't want to get out of bed.
This morning was especially cold. It snowed last night, so there was two or three inches of powder on the ground for Marshall to romp through, which he loves. It was quiet and very cold -- my water bottle quit opening easily toward the end of our hour-long walk, because it was frozen shut, and a skin of ice was forming around the edges. There's hardly anyone at the park at that hour, so it's just me and the dog and his romp and my thoughts.
And my thoughts were basically this: I bitch too much about getting up early to go for our walk. I have coffee, for a start, which makes everything better. And it's gorgeous! Especially with the fresh snow. As the sun started to rise, it hit the mountains first and turned them all these lovely shades of pink and gold. Very, very pretty. The lakes are both frozen over and dusted with snow. Even though the sun doesn't peek over the horizon (when you're at the dog park) until around 7:30 a.m., seeing its return is just amazing every single morning.
I love nature. That's all.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
love it/hate it
Hate:
*Receiving Glamour in the mail instead of Jane. Because Jane folded. Because they fired Jane Pratt. Because she was too subversive. Which is the reason 99% of Jane readers subscribed in the first place. Oops!
*The stupid hair tips in magazines such as Glamour. One of them for the "Best New Year Hair EVER!" suggested that instead of straightening all my hair, I could just straighten the top layer, and no one would know the difference! Wrong! Because my hair happens to be thick, thicker than the sun is hot. So the primary reason I straighten it is to get the de-pouffing action that straightening brings to my head. Straightening just the BOTTOM layer -- now, that might work. But Glamour isn't thinking of girls like me, girls with abnormal hair of any caliber, when they write those stupid tips.
*Collapsed sewer lines.
Love, love, love, love, love:
*That's a lot of loves, and there's only one item that qualifies, but it's worthy. Oh, is it worthy. My Diva Cup. I heart this thing! You know (well, males don't, but everyone else probably does) how when you're surfing the crimson wave, or whatever euphemism for menstruation you would like to use, you're always on Tampon Alert. As in: Do I have enough tampons at my house? Should I go buy some tampons? Do I need the heavy, medium or light flow? Or some combination thereof, which inevitably costs more? I'm leaving the house now; do I have enough tampons to take with me? Do I have enough tampons OF EVERY SIZE to take with me? Now I changed my purse and forgot my tampons. Shit. Does my friend have tampons? Oh, she does, but it's the brand I HATE. Could I wear a pad for a little bit? (No.)
Well, no more of that nonsense for this girl. I invested in the Diva Cup ($35, and worth ten times that amount, since it's lifetime guaranteed and tampons are expensive considering where they go). So as soon as I knew it was around time to start, I threw it in my purse (complete with lovely purple carrying pouch) and made sure I had it with me at all times. That's the hardest part. Then I started, but I had my cup -- no worries. So I have to live with my mom for the time being (result of one of the hates above) and as I'm leaving the house, I'm thinking, "what personal items do I need?" Tampons did not make the list, because I didn't need them. Because I have my cup.
Which, by the way, I can leave in as long (or longer, depending on the day of my cycle and flow level) as a tampon, and it won't absorb anything it's not supposed to, and it won't give me toxic shock syndrome, and it's made of silicone and is easy to use and easy to clean. It is my most favorite thing right now.
*Receiving Glamour in the mail instead of Jane. Because Jane folded. Because they fired Jane Pratt. Because she was too subversive. Which is the reason 99% of Jane readers subscribed in the first place. Oops!
*The stupid hair tips in magazines such as Glamour. One of them for the "Best New Year Hair EVER!" suggested that instead of straightening all my hair, I could just straighten the top layer, and no one would know the difference! Wrong! Because my hair happens to be thick, thicker than the sun is hot. So the primary reason I straighten it is to get the de-pouffing action that straightening brings to my head. Straightening just the BOTTOM layer -- now, that might work. But Glamour isn't thinking of girls like me, girls with abnormal hair of any caliber, when they write those stupid tips.
*Collapsed sewer lines.
Love, love, love, love, love:
*That's a lot of loves, and there's only one item that qualifies, but it's worthy. Oh, is it worthy. My Diva Cup. I heart this thing! You know (well, males don't, but everyone else probably does) how when you're surfing the crimson wave, or whatever euphemism for menstruation you would like to use, you're always on Tampon Alert. As in: Do I have enough tampons at my house? Should I go buy some tampons? Do I need the heavy, medium or light flow? Or some combination thereof, which inevitably costs more? I'm leaving the house now; do I have enough tampons to take with me? Do I have enough tampons OF EVERY SIZE to take with me? Now I changed my purse and forgot my tampons. Shit. Does my friend have tampons? Oh, she does, but it's the brand I HATE. Could I wear a pad for a little bit? (No.)
Well, no more of that nonsense for this girl. I invested in the Diva Cup ($35, and worth ten times that amount, since it's lifetime guaranteed and tampons are expensive considering where they go). So as soon as I knew it was around time to start, I threw it in my purse (complete with lovely purple carrying pouch) and made sure I had it with me at all times. That's the hardest part. Then I started, but I had my cup -- no worries. So I have to live with my mom for the time being (result of one of the hates above) and as I'm leaving the house, I'm thinking, "what personal items do I need?" Tampons did not make the list, because I didn't need them. Because I have my cup.
Which, by the way, I can leave in as long (or longer, depending on the day of my cycle and flow level) as a tampon, and it won't absorb anything it's not supposed to, and it won't give me toxic shock syndrome, and it's made of silicone and is easy to use and easy to clean. It is my most favorite thing right now.
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