Text Happy

I just had seriously the funniest conversation I have ever had with anyone via text-message. Here is the transcript (disclaimer: this is a joke. Neither of us were being at all serious):

Friend: How is your hair doing today?

Me: My hair is awful and my skin is worse. I look like a monster. Someone should just put me out of my misery now.

Me: Because if I can't be pretty, there's no point in continuing.

F: I agree. Beauty is most important. Wealth is a close second.

Me: Now that you mention it, maybe I can find someone wealthy to fund extensive plastic surgery procedures so I am no longer hideous ... Thanks!

F: I am rich and handsome which makes me the best.

Me: Can YOU spring for my Botox?

F: I guess so. I always have had a crush, just was never attracted. Now that I have the funds to mold you into a Barbie, I can't see a reason why I shouldn't.

Me: I just had a better idea ... If I cover every inch of skin with tattoos, no one will ever know how disgusting I am. And it's permanent!

F: Now that is a great idea. I wish your face were one tenth as pretty as your brain.