The Hunt Has Ended!

I moved back to Colorado more than two years ago and settled immediately in Morrison. The downsides of living in Morrison are the concert traffic in the summertime and the lack of food delivery.

Most places won't deliver food west of C-470, which is less than a mile away from my house. And leaving Columbia, which has tons of delivery options, for a place with none was definitely difficult. Picture it: You're at home, you're hungry, you don't want to cook, you don't want to leave the house. But those last two are mutually exclusive. Either you cook or you leave. No other options.

We had heard about a place that delivered, Guido's, but several Google searches yielded nothing. All seemed lost.

But then ... THEN ... while driving down Morrison Road one day, in between 470 and Kipling, I happened to look north while idling at a stoplight. There I spotted a Diamond Shamrock, which happens to hold Bank of America ATMs, which is a fee-less ATM for me, so I'm always on the lookout. And this one was the closest yet to my house.

Then, while frequenting said gas station when in need of cash, I noticed some businesses that might come in useful, like a Subway and a dry-cleaner and some place called Guido's.

Lo and behold, when D and I went to frequent Guido's, we discovered that this was the Guido's, our very own great white whale of delivery. Last night we had pizza delivered to the house (with garlic bread and tomato sauce). And it was awesome.

I feel like Captain Ahab when he finally encountered Moby Dick after his long, tireless search. Except instead of sinking my ship the Pequod and drowning the crew, Guido's brought me fresh, hot pizza, straight to my door, without me having to take a step outside my home.

things that are pissing me off right this very second

1. Clowns on the internet who think that racial slurs aren't racial if they don't use them racially. For example: "So-and-so is nothing more than a stupid n*****. And I don't mean that racially -- I call everyone who is stupid and low-class by that word."

Okay, moron, here's the thing: YOU might not think that word has racial connotations. But the last time I checked, 99.9% of people in this country DO think it has racial connotations. So, guess what? IT HAS RACIAL CONNOTATIONS. You can live in your own little bubble and make up your own little definitions, but that doesn't mean anyone else has to agree with you.

2. People who say they will do something, and then -- inexplicably -- fail to complete said task.

3. #2, but add excuses.

Rock Star

I've mentioned before in this blog that I don't have a CD player in the car I usually drive, so I have my programmed radio stations that cover pretty much every station I would possibly, remotely listen to.

On Alice (105.9 FM), they play that damn "Rock Star" song by Nickelback every hour, it seems like. I've heard bits and pieces of it so many times that I think I could sing the whole damn thing with no problem. I've listened to it all the way through once, maybe.

I suspect the song is an attempt at sarcasm, but Nickelback isn't as skilled as, say, Andre 3000 (I still get a kick out of listening to "Hey Ya" -- particularly the part where he says, "Y'all don't wanna hear me, you just wanna dance," because it's true. That song got so much radio play and I don't think 95 percent of the people singing along had any clue what they were singing). But unlike Outkast's music, I actively resent "Rock Star."

Because guess what? I DON'T want to be a big rock star, live in a hilltop house with fifteen cars, a bathroom I can play baseball in and a house on Cribs and all of that other tripe they discuss. I understand, with their references to golddiggers and drug abuse, that Nickelback is making a statement about the inanity of celebrity life. Or something. But really, it sounds more like glorification than condemnation, and I doubt there are many listeners out there who are applying critical thinking to their Nickelback.

Can't someone sing about the dissolution of the ego for a change?