Division of Labor

For some reason, I've been seeing a lot on the division of housework labor on the Internets. I don't understand why, it's not like I'm seeking things out, but it's been in one of my daily advice columns and also an MSN story.

And it got me to thinking about my own, personal division of labor -- which some might argue is unfair. Here is how it's broken down: D mows the lawn, D fixes broken things in the house (like leaky pipes), D usually makes the bed when he has the day off and I have to work, and D does various other tasks which I assign him, like taking out the trash or vacuuming or whatever I put on his list for that day (he likes lists).

I do: everything else. Dishes. Laundry. Dusting. Bed-making five days a week. Tidying up. Bathroom. All. Of. It.

And I'm okay with that. No, really, I am. Because it makes more sense that way. And most of you know I'm one of the biggest feminists you'll ever meet in real life -- I even define myself as a feminist, which many women won't do.

But take laundry as an example. First of all, D hates to do laundry. HATES IT. So that's one factor in the assignation of tasks. Second, laundry in my house needs to be done a particular way. Some things get washed on the "casual" setting, some on the "normal" setting, some in hot water, some in cold water, some get hand-washed in the sink. Some get hung up to dry and some get to spend time in the dryer. Some don't use fabric softener and some do. Beyond that, I have three separate bags for laundry on my cart -- a darks/color bag, a lights/white bag and a delicates bag. If I were to ask him to do laundry, he'd do it, but my asking would go something like this: "Hey, can you do laundry today, it's time for whites, but don't put any of my panties in the dryer, hang those up instead, and make sure my sports bra isn't in the whites, because it doesn't use fabric softener." It's much easier to just do it myself. And since I do a load of laundry every day, it's never very much.

Or take dishes as an example. I make my lunch and do dishes every night. We don't have a whole lot of dishes because it's not really necessary when you do them every night. I do them right after dinner. If I ask D to do the dishes, he will -- but normally not until right before he goes to bed, whereas I'm usually doing dishes/packing lunch simultaneously. So what if I need a plastic container for something in my lunch and it's dirty? I have to wait until 10 p.m. until it's clean and then I can pack my lunch. And sometimes he forgets to do the dishes, and I wake up ready for my morning smoothie, except the blender is dirty, and so is my travel mug. And I won't even go into how much soap I use to do the dishes -- my dishes are CLEAN, dammit! -- and how little he uses. Unless I want to stand over his shoulder and ask him to do the dishes rightthisverysecond and then agonize over the amount of soap he uses, again, much easier to just do it myself.

And the thing is, as long as he's on board with my keeping-things-clean agenda, I don't need him to help. Like bathroom cleaning. We don't keep anything on our bathroom counters except the electric toothbrush & charger, hand soap and lotion. This is because every morning when I'm done getting ready, I spray down the mirror and the bathroom sink and the toilet, grab a paper towel from under the sink and wipe it all down, brush the toilet with a little toilet soap, and I'm done. The bathroom hasn't been disgusting for ... um ... I don't even remember the last time the bathroom was disgusting, because I do this every single day. It takes maybe one minute of my time. At first, I had to remind him: Don't leave stuff on the bathroom counter. Don't leave stuff on the bathroom counter. Like a broken record. But he sees what I'm doing, he gets it, and he keeps his stuff off the bathroom counter so I can wipe it down and we can have a fresh, clean, gleaming, sparkling bathroom every single day.

Same with the coffee table/dining room table/top of the dryer/bedside table -- all those spots that get completely out-of-control. There are designated things that are allowed to be on those surfaces. Every day when I get home, I do a little patrol through the house and put things away that are out of place. That keeps things tidy. It takes maybe three minutes. Easy.

In an ideal world, would he look at my own personal list of things to do and see what's next on it and do it and check it off for me? Yes. But in the world we inhabit, it's fine that he doesn't, because it doesn't take very long anyway, I still have several hours to myself every evening to spend doing whatever the hell I want (usually reading a book), the house is clean, we don't fight about it and it's fine.

Plus, I get a little bit of extra leverage whenever I ask him to do something and he's dragging his feet a tad. "I don't ask you to do much," I tell him. "This isn't a big deal. Just do it." And he knows it's true.

Win/win.