Biggest Loser Recap

Last night was the second episode of the new season of Biggest Loser. By week two, I generally don't know yet whom I want to win the final $250,000 prize -- or even the $100,000 take-home prize. But I have an idea of my favorite players and whom I'm starting to seriously dislike. I have to revise my favorites throughout the season ... take last season for example: I wanted Colleen to win the grand prize. (Or maybe she spells her name Coleen. I'm not sure. But she was the one I thought should win it all.) When she was eliminated, Michelle and her mom, Renee, became my two favorites, almost by default. Yes, they were sweet, sweet ladies -- but my main motivation was that I really, really, REALLY didn't want either of those bitches (aka Heba and Vicki) anywhere near the $250,000 prize. They sucked. I hated them almost from the very beginning, when Heba started being all bossy and Vicki started being all bitchy. I even felt sorry for Heba during the first few weeks! I mean, with a name like Heba, you're really set up to be fat. It's not her fault. But it is her fault that she is mean as a snake! (I know most snakes aren't really mean. But in my world, they are.)

So this week, I cemented my relationship with a couple of people I knew had the potential to be favorites, started garnering some serious dislike for one person, and had to say goodbye to someone who wasn't exactly a favorite but whom I wanted to see do well on the show. Let's start with the favorites: Tara (green team) and Dan (orange team). Tara is an ass-kicker. She carried green team to second place in the challenge last week, and she won the challenge this week -- which involved kayaking across a huge bay and then racing up a mountain. A small mountain, but still. I would have been exhausted, but she managed to beat the black team's Blaine, who is arguably the strongest competitor (next to Tara, of course). She and her teammate are former models who both gained a bunch of weight. Dan, unfortunately, came in last, which means he added a one-pound penalty to his final weight at the weigh-in. I like Dan; I want him to do well. He is an immense teenager (19, I think) and had a lot of trouble paddling the kayak because he is just so big, but he made it to the top of the mountain. I was proud of him. I hope he gets to stay till the end, I think he has the potential to make huge changes.

I should stop here and explain the twist of last week, because it's pertinent. Last week, the black team won immunity in the challenge, and the brown team had the highest percentage of weight lost, so they were both immune from this twist. Every remaining team had to send one member home. In thirty days, if the team member who stayed is still at the ranch, their partner will get to come back on the ranch. So this means every team except for black and brown only has one member on the ranch right now.

So, it made sense that Tara stayed, because her former-model best friend was kind of a wimp. It was her fault they lost the challenge last week. And Tara, as mentioned earlier, is an animal. If she gets kicked off, it will be because she had freakishly low weight loss (which she did this week, 2 pounds! Lucky she had immunity!) and people are afraid of how she's going to advance.

Every other group's split-up last week made sense, too, except for the silver team. They were best friends, Carla and Joelle. Carla is significantly bigger than Joelle, and she also seemed to have more drive, so it would have made sense for her to stay; I remember noticing that last week. It obviously was an argumentative decision they made to have Joelle stay, because Carla said something to the effect of: This is putting our friendship on the line. If she gets sent home, trouble will abound.

This week, Joelle did not impress anyone. She told Bob straight up that she doesn't mind the diet part but hates exercise. Bob tried to get her to understand that it's part of a package deal, you have to have all of the elements of weight loss to be truly successful at it. A very Zen speech. And Joelle seemed to understand ... until you see her in the gym and notice that she refuses to do a real push-up. I can't even explain what she was doing, really ... she had her hands and knees on the floor, in kind of a box shape, and was bending her arms and bringing her head to the floor, not her chest. It was weird. And Bob kept trying to explain to her that she was doing it wrong ... and she would nod and then continue her fake push-ups, looking around to see if Bob was noticing that she was cheating.

She also refused to sprint full-out for thirty seconds, which made Bob completely lose his mind. It was a little hilarious, to be honest ... Bob is the sweet (but tough ... but not as tough as Jillian) trainer, and he (as he said later) became Jillian Michaels for several minutes. He was screaming at Joelle at the top of his lungs. He finally, after I-don't-know-how-many tries, got her to sprint for thirty seconds. "Thank you!"

She also was the only one tempted by the temptation -- $25,000 if she would leave the ranch, effective immediately. Which would mean Carla never got to come back.

I was surprised at Joelle, honestly. Carla doesn't seem like the kind of woman I would mess with. I wouldn't want her mad at me. And I can imagine she was beyond pissed at Joelle.

Anyway. This is getting long. What happened at the weigh-in was: Dan (with his one-pound penalty) and Jerry fell below the yellow line. Jerry is part of the oldest couple that Biggest Loser has ever had on the show. I like him. He has got some serious health problems and really does need to be there. Joelle was right behind them; barely safe. Just above the yellow line. I was pissed. I do want Carla to come back -- I like Carla -- but Joelle doesn't even want to be there, it seems like! She almost went home for $25,000! And for Jerry and Dan, the two players who NEED to be on that ranch the most, to fall below, was worst-case scenario.

Jerry ended up getting sent home. I was sad for him, but also happy for Dan. All of the players said what I was thinking: Nobody wants Dan to become Jerry. And Jerry has his wife and kids at home to support him; Dan is nineteen. And both he and his wife, Estella, look fah-bulous, dahling!

We'll see if Joelle picks up the pace next week. I certainly hope so!